Crimson Kimono

An Asian American male kissing a white female! JAW-DROPPING and WONDERFUL!!

Crimson Kimono (1959) is probably the most positive portrayal of an Asian American I have seen yet. It's incredible. It's inspiring. It's got an Asian American male in a leading romantic role. It's accurate in it's representation. It was a flop at the box office. 
Japanese-American Detective Joe Kojaku (James Shigeta) and Detective Sgt. Charlie Bancroft (Glenn Corbett) are best friends, old war buddies, and mystery-solvers. They investigate the murder of a burlesque dancer in downtown Los Angeles. Said burlesque dancer was going to have a new striptease act, directed by a man with a lot of knowledge about Asian culture, with a Japanese theme - geisha girl is fought over by a samurai and a karate dude. However, she ends up shot before the act can take place. Kojaku and Bancroft decide to find the two other men involved in the striptease act and find that an acquaintance of Kojaku's was the karate dude ("Joe, if my father knew I was going to work with a stripper, he'd chop me like a ripe banana!") and that a Korean buff dude was going to be the samurai. Kojaku decides to pursue the Korean man while Bancroft decides to find the director man. Bancroft ends up finding someone who knew the director man, one Christine Downs (Victoria Shaw), an artist. She is able to draw a sketch of the director man, and that sketch is circulated within the press to help find and catch him. Meanwhile, Kojaku pursues Korean man but finds that he did not kill the stripper lady. Someone then tries to assassinate Christine Downs and she moves into the apartment that is shared by Kojaku and Bancroft. After she moves in, Bancroft expresses his feelings of love for Christine, and the two plan to marry or date after the murder mystery is solved. Kojaku has begun to fall for Christine too (the murder case becomes forgotten). A little while later, Kojaku and Christine spend some time together and Christine falls for Kojaku and his sensitivity and appreciation of art and music. Bancroft finds out and becomes mad and Kojaku for stealing his girl, while Joe accuses Bancroft of being racist. They get mad at each other until they find another lead in the mystery and pursue it, eventually capturing the murderer and Bancroft accepts that Christine and Kojaku are in love - and they kiss for all of 10 seconds. 

The most glaringly wonderful thing about this movie (watch it here) is the relationship between Joe Kojaku and Christine Downs. Initially, they both think that they can't be together because they are of different races, but eventually they put that aside and end up together, happy as clams. A happy interracial couple! Christine doesn't love Joe because he's Japanese - she loves him for his sensitivity and poetic nature. She rejects the all-American white guy for the Asian dude!  How many times have you seen this in any film? Sure, there was Broken Blossoms, but they never kiss, and they both end up dead at the end. Yeah, there was Bitter Tea of General Yen, but Yen dies in the end and Babs Stanwyck is never happy around him - destructive relationship, huh? In Crimson Kimono, the only person who ends up dead is the stripper. Even Charlie Bancroft, Joe's best friend and at one point competitor for Christine's love, accepts and encourages Joe's relationship with Christine. In a time when interracial marriage was still illegal (Loving v. Virginia didn't happen until 1967) and anti-Asian sentiments were running high, this film and its concept were truly groundbreaking. 

The film also ends with them kissing and being happy, implying that they'll continue to be happy and smiley together forever. And their kiss? Close up! It's in-your-face-interracial-kissing! It even takes up a little more than a fifth of the movie poster. See how important that is! Definitely pushing some conservative buttons there. 
The Stripper's Manager: Picture this Geisha house setting. And the curtain slowly goin’ up on this guy cracking a real brick in half with his bare hands. 

Joe Kojaku: Karate, huh? 

The Stripper's Manager: Yeah that’s what they call it. This guy could bust anything in half with the palm of his hand… Just use your imagination now. This gorgeous geisha makes her entrance in a crimson kimono... Not an inch of flesh exposed, only her face. She begins dancing to Japanese music, and then she starts a real slow peel with this karate brick-smasher watching her. Suddenly her jealous boyfriend barges in, a samurai warrior with a sword… Well, the two guys begin battling over her, bare hands versus sword. The brick-crusher kills [the sword dude] with one blow, turns to collect Sugar (the stripper), but she tosses herself on the dead warrior and begins to bawl. The brick-crusher blows his top, kills her and exits as the curtain slowly comes down on the two dead lovers… How you like that for a striptease act?

This bit of dialogue is very interesting because it describes a yellowface striptease act. The stripper was white, and she would have been playing a (presumably) white stripper. Yellowface on stage? But not men in yellowface? Just the girl? In past movies I've watched I've only really seen men in yellowface, and the only example of female yellowface I can think of is Katherine Hepburn in Dragon Seed. Even more interesting is that this "opportunity" for yellowface is never actually seen in the film - it's just mentioned in passing. Does this count as an example of yellowface? Or not? And then two Asian men begin to fight over her - is this showing how the white woman, even when dressed as an Asian, is more desirable? 

Look at all of the Asians! Not one bit of yellowface anywhere! Look at how ordinary they are. Just like everyday people. Not opium smugglers. Not subservient stupid people. Not evil dictators out to conquer and rule the world. Not geeks. Regular people. No pidgin English here - even some American slang is used. You have no idea how refreshing it is to see these actors standing around and chatting in an American film during a time when Asians and Asian Americans were portrayed always as a sidekick, servant, or villain. 

Another interesting thing about this film was the amount of accuracy and specificity that this film possessed. The entire film did not try to lump Asians together - the film remained specifically Japanese-American. Only once did I hear the word "Oriental." All other times it was the word "Japanese," and never ever in a negative way. Many of the scenes were filmed on location in the Little Tokyo section of Los Angeles. Charlie Bancroft mentions the Nisei Week Festival. There's a kendo tournament. Joe Kojaku visits a Shinto Buddhist temple. There's a parade of lots of Japanese-American people wearing traditional Japanese garb. Sam Fuller cared enough to get all of that right! Groundbreaking! The intense work put in by Fuller into making this film accurate in its representation of Japanese-Americans is unlike anything we have seen before.

Towards the end of the film, Joe Kojaku is planning to quit his job as a cop because he's in love with Christine (this is another bit of plot that doesn't really make sense). He is all worked up and distraught because he's worried about the whole interracial relationship thing. He just told Charlie Bancroft that he loves Christine. And the exchange between Joe and Charlie went something like this:
Charlie: You mean you wanna marry [Chris]?
Joe: You wouldn't have said it like that if I were white!
Charlie: What are you talking about?
Joe: Look at you, it's all over your face! 
And Joe storms out to revoke his detective badge and run away. He thinks that Charlie doesn't want Christine and Joe together because of the difference in race (later, Joe finds that this was not the case at all, Charlie was just upset that he wasn't appealing to Christine anymore). Joe is so distressed he begins to question his identity and his race, saying, "I was born here. I'm American. I feel it and live it and love it, but down deep, what am I? Japanese-American? American-Japanese? Nisei? What label do I live under? You tell me." Definitely one of the more poignant points of the film. This questioning of racial identity by an American-born Asian person in a film is so ahead of it's time - it's incredible! This is in a film directed, written, produced by a white guy with another sensitive topic - racial identity! It ties in wonderfully with the interracial love idea as well. That quote makes me wonder about the Japanese-American (American-Japanese?) audience members who saw this movie and finally saw something on the silver screen that they could relate to and understand - a positive and also realistic portrayal of an Asian-American (played by James Shigeta, no less). Was it inspirational? Uplifting? How did white Americans see that quote? Were they disgusted that anyone of Asian descent could "feel," much less "be," American? Asian-Americans tried to assimilate but couldn't - you see this expressed in the quote above. Even today, people who were born or raised here feel American but are conflicted with their racial identity and their connections with the "old country" wonder about where they fit - too Asian to be American, too American to go back to Asia. And this film, this 1959 film, this tiny bit of monologue by James Shigeta, shows this perfectly. What label do [we] live under? 

It's a shame this film wasn't better received, or that is hasn't gained the legendary status of Flower Drum Song or something. Sam Fuller was known for making low-budget, "B-movie"-ish movies - is that why this film didn't rocket to popularity? Granted, the plot's a little weak when trying to solve the murder, but otherwise, it's a decent film. Way better than Flower Drum Song... But even after the release of the movie, why hasn't it gained the respect that most of his movies have? Fuller's films were usually about controversial topics, so why didn't Crimson Kimono get more appreciation for being ahead of it's time? Look at Flower Drum Song - big budget, A-list stars, written by Rodgers and Hammerstein, and an all Asian/-American cast. Incredible, right? No, that was actually a crap film. Now look at Crimson Kimono - low budget, one popular star, one breakout role (Glenn Corbett), and a controversial topic. Way more monumental than Flower Drum Song, but which one gets more praise and recognition? I think that Flower Drum Song got lost in the breakthrough casting and forgot about making a compelling and decent story. Crimson Kimono is slightly guilty of this too, because the plot has holes and meanders a whole lot. But the thing that Crimson Kimono has that Flower Drum Song lacks is integrity. Crimson Kimono was made to break down doors and face controversial issues like interracial love, which it does beautifully and, sadly, receives little to no recognition for it.

Collagin' #9

Running out of witty things to say about progress... 
Witty remark witty remark witty remark.

Huzzah!
Coming Soon:
Crimson Kimono
In-Depth Studies of Mr. Yunioshi and Long Duk Dong

Enter the Dragon (!!!!!!!!!)

There is no plot to this movie. If there is, please notify me immediately so that I can mention it here.  
Basically, it's got Bruce Lee doing a bunch of ass-kicking and being a general badass. Nothing more, nothing less.

Oh Enter the Dragon! You're so cool!
Lack of yellowface? A leading Asian man? A not-so-weak-at-the-knees Asian man? A badass Asian man? No more yellowface? Scenery and dialogue not poking fun at or being disrespectful to Asian culture? The first Chinese martial arts film produced by Hollywood? Yes, you may stand and applaud! 
 
What a boss.  

However, it's the beginning of a new stereotype. The semi-mute (except for screaming) Asian man who kicks all kind of ass but abstains from indulging in prostitutes and has an honor code and never fails to stray from his path of do-goodness. After Bruce Lee, the white kids were going up to the Asian kids and saying, "So... do you know kung fu?" Or even worse, approaching them screeching, "WATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" with some sort of mangled "karate chop" hands. See what that did? This has lasted even until today! Sure, we're now seen as badass, but dear old Brucie never gets a girlfriend in the movie, so even if we're badass... the Asian men can't get girlfriends? Of ANY race? Are we only good for kicking butt? What does this mean for Asian kids who actually do martial arts? Are they enforcing this stereotype? Are they just learning about their culture, or are they doing it because they want to be the next Bruce Lee? The Bruce Lee stereotype also continues to perpetuate this idea that Asians are full of "Oriental" worldly wisdom. He approaches his martial arts with much wisdom - Brucie's a philosopher! He doesn't only fight to win - he fights because it is right! He "fights without fighting." He fights to avenge his baby sister!

A good fight should be like a small play, but played seriously. 

A good martial artist does not become tense, but ready. 

Not thinking, yet not dreaming. 

Ready for whatever may come. 

When the opponent expands, I contract. 

When he contracts, I expand. 

And when there is an opportunity, I do not hit. 

It hits all by itself. 

However, Brucie kinda set the standards high. To my knowledge, no other martial artist has reached his level of fame or skill (and don't you go throwing a Jackie Chan example at me). Who has matched him? Every Asian actor after Bruce Lee has probably been asked during an audition if they can do martial arts. If they can, they've probably been asked if they are trained in Brucie's own style of martial arts, Jeet Kune Do. Especially after Bruce Lee's death, when producers all over the everywhere were looking for the next Bruce Lee - so Brucie was exploited! New stereotype, hello! 


What's really interesting is the Asian guy attacking Asian guy action. The bad guy in this film is Asian, and most of his henchmen are Asian, but the hero and the good guy is Asian too! And sure, there's that beefy white dude who tries to take down Brucie... but he DIES! (Evil laughter) Everyone who is a main character and not Asian dies - not counting the evil Mr. Han (not of the updated Karate Kid), because he doesn't count. 

Then there's Han, the one-handed, Shaolin-temple-offending, opium-making, inclined-to-torture, reclusive crime lord living it up with his prostitutes and martial arts militia on his private island. Can you say "reincarnation of Fu Manchu?" Han does lack the facial hair, the decadent "Oriental" garb, and the other hand to be Fu Manchu, but the characteristics are there. And then, to top it all off, Han does kung fu - eeeeeeevil kung fu. See the perpetuation of another Evil Asian Man? Yes yes yes. 


And then there was another opium thing. Mr. Han-man is making opium beneath his crazy little island... Eurgh. Opium and Asian people! But Wikipedia says it was heroin! WRONG! Lies and deceit! It was opium, I swear! I wish it was heroin... I wish it wasn't anything at all! I wish he was exporting Cheerios! Everyone likes Cheerios! I dislike the connotations that opium has! I have said this before! Argh! Argh! Argh! 


Even more interesting about Enter the Dragon is that it was only the beginning of the epic kung fu movies that would end up with Karate Kid, Jackie Chan films, and that recent one with Jet Li and the time-traveling white kid. Bruce Lee and Enter the Dragon are the ideal badass Asian movies, but nothing has been able to live up to or surpass it. Bruce Lee is the ideal, and the pseudo-carbon copies that follow only help perpetuate and further the stereotype that we see today. We cannot blame Bruce for starting it - this is one of those deeply reflective moments where we must blame ourselves for our insatiable appetite for badass kung fu movies. 

The Search For...

One of Our Dinosaurs is Missing!




Dear God. Should I actually try to watch this???


Absolutely.

Charlie Chan: The Untold Story of the Honorable Detective and His Rendezvous with American History by Yunte Huang

As a hater of Charlie Chan, I went into this book knowing that I'd be reading a lot about Earl Biggers' inspiration for his series, the actual detective Chang Apana, and the historical/social forces that went into and surrounded the book at the time. I really enjoyed Huang's easy-to-understand, interesting analysis of Charlie Chan in Shanghai and other Chan films, in addition to the books and characters. I found his comparison sections between Fu Manchu and Charlie Chan especially intriguing, because I myself have been contemplating that relationship and Huang's analysis was even more eye-opening in terms of my studies here. The most interesting and thought-provoking part of the book was (for me) the section where Huang, an admirer of Charlie Chan, cites Frank Chin's essay on Charlie Chan, which clearly illustrates Chin's distaste for the character. The contrast between the two viewpoints and the surprising connections between the two really shocked me (in a good way) and it made for an even more in-depth but easy-to-understand read. However, I wasn't expecting some of the autobiographical things that managed to slip themselves into the book at all. In fact, I found them rather unnecessary and a little distracting to either the storyline about Chang Apana's life or the cultural impacts of Charlie Chan. Overall this was a great book and I'd recommend it to anyone.

Charlie Chan Pt. 2

Remember how I hated Charlie Chan so much in my previous post about him? How he's essentially a yellow Uncle Tom? Yeah, well, China loved him. China loved a fictional character created by a white man and played by a white man. After years and years of Fu Manchu movies and Fu Manchu-esque characters, why not embrace the one semi-positive character that came around? Charlie Chan was honorable, venerable, humble, and intelligent. What's not to love? 

Even if he is a glutton... desexualized... awkward... roly poly... overly subservient... speaking in pidgin English... effeminate... essentially the father of the model minority stereotype (not mention all 14 of his children).
Charlie Chan assimilates well. He rejects his "native/ethnic" garb for a Western suit and hat. Mr. Chan still remains the same wise old Chinese sage and spews "Chan-isms" that are adorable in their broken English yet incredibly all-knowing (i.e. "Man who fights law always loses; same as grasshopper is always wrong in argument with chicken." Confucius say what?). He is filled with all the wisdom of "the Orient," even if his proverbs do not make any sense at all, and no Asian proverb I've ever heard is as weird and annoying as one of Chan's aphorism. Charlie is a teetotaler, only occasionally having a sarsaparilla - if he doesn't drink, he's not exactly liable to get raging drunk and go out on a (fill in the blank) spree, is he? Charlie Chan sucks up to white people by calling them "venerable," "honorable," "distinguished..." Model minority, anyone? 

See why China loved Charlie Chan? I hate him for exactly the same reasons. While Charlie Chan is not a downright racist and negative stereotype, it is the alternative to Fu Manchu. It presents a stereotype about Asian men that they are bumbling, gluttonous, kooky eunuchs that have nothing on their mind but their work. There was nothing threatening about Charlie Chan - he wouldn't rape your women, steal your money, or try to take over the world. Several decades later, you see the beginnings of the Asian geek - the asexual, bespectacled math nerd with no girlfriend and fewer friends. While Charlie Chan is not the downright negative and offensive character that Fu Manchu is, the stereotype of the "honorable" detective is just as demeaning and painful to watch. Let me join in with the rallying cry of Jessica Hagedorn - "Charlie Chan is dead!" Good riddance! Let's all say it together - "Charlie Chan is dead, despite Yunte Huang's new book!" Ta-ta for now and forever, Charlie, you Fu Manchu foil! You're not much better than he is! 

Charlie Chan was created at a time when America was not allowing Asians to become citizens. Because there was a lot of anti-Chinese sentiment in the air, you'd think that a stereotype like the scary-sexualized and dictatorish Fu Manchu would be having field days all over the place, but no. In came Charlie Chan, showing Asians (namely Chinese) in a more positive, albeit demeaning light. In later years, after Chan had become very popular, his anti-Japanese sentiments became praised and seen as an added bonus of the character. This was when the Japanese were feared and the Chinese became the "good" Asians - the ones with whom whites could socialize.

The similarities between Charlie Chan and Hercule Poirot are uncanny. Both are rotund, "adorable" detectives. Both foreigners. Both have some funky facial hair going on. "'He was very fat indeed, yet he walked with the light dainty steps of a woman,' Biggers wrote of Chan. 'His cheeks were as chubby as a baby's, his skin ivory tinted, his black hair close-cropped, his amber eyes slanting.' Take out the 'slanting amber eyes' bit and you've got Poirot." (citation) "He was hardly more than five feet four inches but carried himself with great dignity. His head was exactly the shape of an egg, and he always perched it a little on one side. His moustache was very stiff and military. Even if everything on his face was covered, the tips of moustache and the pink-tipped nose would be visible. The neatness of his attire was almost incredible; I believe a speck of dust would have caused him more pain than a bullet wound. Yet this quaint dandified little man who, I was sorry to see, now limped badly, had been in his time one of the most celebrated members of the Belgian police." (The Mysterious Affair at Styles, Ch. 2) Here's a confession - I love Hercule Poirot. I love him for his fastidiousness and the parlor room scenes where he accuses one person, proves them innocent, and proceeds to accuse and arrest the really guilty person. But what would somebody who is Belgian think of Poirot, created by English writer Agatha Christie? Do people who are Belgian have the same reactions to Poirot that Chinese/Asian-Americans have to Charlie Chan? 

Charlie Chan is the gateway into the model minority and the emasculated Asian male, whether it is the Charlie Chan of the books, the movies, or the television shows. Annoying Crap Hall of Fame? Yes. 


Brilliant radio interview with Tom Ashbrook, Yunte Huang, author of "Charlie Chan: The Untold Story of the Honorable Detective and His Rendezvous with American History" and writer Frank Chin.
Frank Chin and Yunte Huang THROWDOWN - Frank Chin gets a little... over the top...

Collagin' #8

And not of the Deep Space 9 kind.

Sorry for blurry!

Confession: I did this portion of the collage singing "I Enjoy Being a Girl." Let's hope that doesn't happen again.

Flower Drum Song

Flower Drum Song is about a Chinese immigrant named Mei Li (Miyoshi Umeki) and her father who come to San Francisco illegally (by boat, nonetheless) as part of an arranged marriage to nightclub owner Sammy Fong (Jack Soo), who is completely and utterly Americanized and in love with a dancer at his club to boot. He wants to marry his dancer girlfriend, Linda Low (Nancy Kwan), who is mad at him for having an arranged marriage with Mei Li. Sammy decides to take Mei Li to Master Wang's (Benson Fong) house because he is much more traditional and he too has a son, Wang Ta (James Shigeta) who is of marrying age. Master Wang and his sister-in-law (Juanita Hall) instantly approve of Mei Li and want Wang Ta and Mei Li to be married. However, the sister-in-law, Madame Liang, wants Mei Li and Wang Ta to fall in love naturally - the "American way." Unfortunately, Wan Ta has noticed Linda Low and he decides to ask her out on a date, and she accepts. He gets back late from a date one night and runs into Mei Li, who instantly falls in love with him, but not he with her. Linda decides to use Wang Ta as a way to make Sammy jealous, and when Wang Ta proposes to her, she accepts and comes to his graduation from school party. Then Master Wong finds out and he is not so happy! He and Wan Ta have a fight and Sammy sees it as an opportunity to get Wan Ta to fall out of love with Linda. He then arranges for Master Wang, Wang Ta, Mei Li, and Mei Li's father to see Linda's nightclub act (!!!!) They are all shocked at her performance, and Wang Ta runs away and gets very drunk and ends up being found by Helen (Reiko Sato), a childhood friend of Wang Ta's who carries a torch for him. She takes him back to her apartment where he passes out and she sings about how much she loves him and has a big fancy dance number. The next morning, Mei Li drops off an item of clothing at Helen's house that Master Wang needs to be fixed, and she spots Wang Ta's shoes by the door. Assuming the worst, she flees and gets really sad. Wang Ta awakens and realizes his true feelings for Mei Li, and leaves Helen in the dust. We never see her again. Wang Ta finds Mei Li and tells her of his love, which she rejects. She and her father then pursue the marriage contract between her and Sammy. Unfortunately, Sammy has already proposed to Linda who accepted his proposal (for real), but there isn't anything they can do about it. Sammy tries to persuade Mei Li to not marry him, and it makes Mei Li realize that she is still in love with Wang Ta. She and Wang Ta meet before the wedding day and try to come up with a plan to get rid of the marriage contract. During the wedding ceremony, Mei Li announces that because she is an illegal immigrant, the marriage contract is null and she and Sammy cannot get married. The wedding then becomes a double wedding, with Wang Ta and Mei Li getting married and Linda and Sammy getting married too. 

Flower Drum Song was the first Hollywood film that featured an all Asian/Asian-American cast. They casted great actors, all of whom melded into their roles commendably. For this it gets props. However, I just can't get around how incredibly bad this movie is... The unfeasible plot. The perpetuation of the stereotype of a butterfly by Miyoshi Umeki. Nancy Kwan's reprisal of her "whore" role as Linda Low. The representations of the elderly people from "the old country" who can't wrap their heads around their more American offspring. It's all just so... painful.
Rodgers and Hammerstein. A phenomenal duo, right? After all, they did Sound of Music, Oklahoma!, South Pacific... But this was just bad. Bad music, bad plot, worse lyrics, worse-er dance numbers. Everyone talks about how Flower Drum Song was this fantastic musical for Asian-Americans because it showed us (yes, us) in a positive light. It did do that. I commend this film for that. But that doesn't hide the fact that this was a crappy crappy film. 

Look how slanty they drew Miyoshi Umeki's eyes! Blasphemy!

The characters in Flower Drum Song are also strange stereotypes. Sammy Fong is the gambling, Americanized, smooth-talking Asian playboy. Wang Ta is the studious, kind son who rebells a little by dating a nightclub performer but ends up marrying the immigrant girl. Mei Li is the quiet, subservient butterfly who only wants to get married and be happy in the United States. Linda Low is manipulative of her boyfriend(s) and enjoys being an Americanized girl. Madame Liang is proud to be Chinese AND a citizen of the United States, where "all are entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happy times." Master Wang is the stereotypical grumpy old man who misses the traditional life back in "the old country" and wishes his children did too. Mei Li's father is just like Master Wang except that he is new to America and doesn't really "get" American ways. Helen is sad. These characters are odd. Sometimes they perpetuate old stereotypes that they were trying to get away from, and sometimes they break away from those and throw a curveball into our notions of what is Asian and Asian American. Unfortunately, the bad outweighs the good...


Oh Flower Drum Song, how do I dislike thee? Let me count the ways.

Let's begin with this song, shall we? Doesn't the title A Hundred Million Miracles scream "awkward!" to you? Maybe just a little bit? The very dissonant chorus of "A hun-dred mill-ion mir-a-cles! (Drummy drummy drum beat)" does not inspire feelings of wonder or happiness or make me want to sing along. The lyrics too are just... bad.

My father says that children keep growing,
Rivers keep flowing too.
My father says he doesn't know why,
But somehow or other they do.
They do! some how or other they do.

A hundred million miracles,
A hundred million miracles are happ'ning ev'ry day,
And those who say they don't agree
Are those who do not hear or see.
A hundred million miracles,
A hundred million miracles are happ'ning ev'ry day,

Miracle of changing weather:
When a dark blue curtain is pinned by the stars,
Pinned by the stars to the sky,
Ev'ry flow'r and tree is a treat to see,
The air is very clean and dry.

Then a wind comes blowing the pins all away,
Night is confused and upset!
The sky falls down like a clumsy clown,
The flowers and the trees get wet - Very wet!

Cringe. Make it stop. (And then there's a reprise later... Ack) You really have to listen to the melody and read the lyrics to really absorb all of the badness and destruction and bad goosebumps that this song dishes out. But that's not all! Miyoshi Umeki's accent makes it all the more painful. There's (thankfully) no switching of the "r"s and "l"s here, but it still sounds incredibly foreign. It doesn't translate well at all. (Fun Fact: Umeki actually went on after this movie to the TV show The Courtship of Eddie's Father - kind of a step down from a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, huh?) It's phrases like, "ev'ry flow'r and tree is a treat to see... very clean and dry... night is confused and upset... clumsy clown... get wet - VERY wet!" that make my tummy twist in pain. 



And Suzie Wong enjoys being a girl. Aside from conveniently leaving out that certain time of the month, she seems very happy with her girlhood... Linda Low is not a whore... but you see the correlation? Both fluttery, girlish characters who enchant every guy who walks by (Yeah, yeah, yeah, both are played by Nancy Kwan, but that's not the point).

I'm a girl, and by me that's only great!

I am proud that my silhouette is curvy,

That I walk with a sweet and girlish gait

With my hips kind of swivelly and swervy.

I adore being dressed in something frilly

When my date comes to get me at my place.

Out I go with my Joe or John or Billy,

Like a filly who is ready for the race!

When I have a brand new hairdo

With my eyelashes all in curl,

I float as the clouds on air do,

I enjoy being a girl!

When men say I'm cute and funny

And my teeth aren't teeth, but pearl,

I just lap it up like honey

I enjoy being a girl!

I flip when a fellow sends me flowers,

I drool over dresses made of lace,

I talk on the telephone for hours

With a pound and a half of cream upon my face!

When men say I'm sweet as candy

As around in a dance we whirl,

It goes to my head like brandy,

I enjoy being a girl!

When someone with eyes that smoulder

Says he loves ev'ry silken curl

That falls on my iv'ry shoulder,

I enjoy being a girl!

When I hear the compliment'ry whistle

That greets my bikini by the sea,

I turn and I glower and I bristle,

But I happy to know the whistle's meant for me!

I'm strictly a female female

And my future I hope will be

In the home of a brave and free male

Who'll enjoy being a guy having a girl like me!

Her emphasis on the word "hairdo" cracks me up every single time. And I guess I'll admit it, this is a catchy, bouncy, silly song and I found myself humming it the other day while doing homework. Alright, big confession: this song is fun to sing. But it is also really bad, both lyrically and musically. Rhyming "hairdo" with "air do?" "Great" and "gait?" "Female" and "free male?" Breaking some new ground there, I would have never thought of that... See what I mean by stupid lyrics? Now because this was an all Asian/Asian-American cast, does this say anything about Asian women? Or just Asian-American women? Because Mei Li isn't prancing around in her room with her three reflections trying on clothes for her - she pretty much wears the same clothes the whole movie. Linda Low enjoys being a girl, but not the good, sweet, quiet Chinese girl. She is the bold American girl - and comes off as a whore in comparison to Mei Li. She's not quite as bad as Suzie Wong, but she's pretty close. "Out [she goes] with her Joe or John or Billy." Not to mention Sammy and Wang Ta, she goes out with Joe, John, or Billy! Does this imply that Asian-American girls are, uh, shall we say, more free-wheelin' than Asian girls from "the old country?" Maybe not free-wheeling, but more desirable? After all, Wang Ta falls for Linda Low first, and when he sees her nightclub act, he sees how "loose" she really is, and begins to recognize his true feeling for the more virginal Mei Li. Here it's the classic "virgin vs. whore" case - something that may become a trend in later films. 

Chop Suey. Juanita Hall was African-American. Not Asian. And yet she played the role of Bloody Mary, a Tonkinese woman, in another Rodger's and Hammerstein musical, South Pacific. So was this really an all Asian cast? Apparently not! Out, cur!

Chop suey, chop suey! 
Living here is very much like chop suey.

Hula hoops and nuclear war,

Doctor Salk and Zsa Zsa Gabor,

Bobby Darin, Sandra Dee, and Dewey,

Chop suey, --Chop suey!--

Stars are drifting overhead,

Birds and worms have gone to bed.

Men work late in laboratories,

Others read detective stories.

Some are roaming 'round the country,

Others sit beneath just one tree.

Tonight on TV's Late, Late Show

You can look at Clara Bow! --Who?--

Chop suey, chop suey!

Good and bad, intelligent, mad, and screwy.

Violins and trumpets and drums,

Take it all the way that it comes,

Sad and funny, sour and honey dewy,

Chop suey!

Ballpoint pens and filter tips,

Lipsticks and potato chips.

In the dampest kind of heat wave

You can give your hair a neat wave.

Hear that lovely La Paloma,

Lullaby by Perry Como.

Dreaming in my Maid'nform bra,

Dreamed I danced the Cha-Cha-Cha.

Chop suey, chop suey!

Mixed with all the hokum and bally hooey.

Something real and glowing grand.

Sheds a light all over the land.

Boston, Austin, Wichita, and St. Louey,

Chop suey.

Chop suey, chop suey!

Chop suey, chop suey!

And nowhere do they mention Chinese/Asian culture. It's all American. Zsa Zsa Gabor? Perry Como? "Lipsticks and potato chips?" Not so mixed up. Assimilation, much? Conformity, much? May we agree that this too is a painful and ugly song? CHOP SUEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! Gross! Ew! It's obnoxious and stupid - what kind of message to it send to viewers? Don't listen to those Asian people, they sing about chop suey! Not only that... these lyrical geniuses named Rodgers and Hammerstein... rhyming "suey" and "suey" with "St. Louey" and "screwy" and "dewy" and "hooey." I am blown away. And then that dance number? Awkward hoedown with a Cantonese square-dancer caller dude? Funky funky waltz? That jazzy awkward tap dance? Those radical "rock and roll" moves? And then it ends with the couples bowing at each other with their little prayer hands and the gong noise? Who choreographed this? That was awkward and ugly! It's painful until you get to Patrick Adiarte's sooper cool solo bit near the end. And what being implied here? It shows that Asian people look really strange and awkward when trying to dance American-style. It shows that we cannot assimilate! Perpetual foreigners! Blasphemy! We can dance fine if we choose to! We can dance. We can sing. Don't you take that away from us - it's all there in Flower Drum Song. Just don't watch us, because it'll be, you know, awkward.



Remember that girl Helen? The one who gets dumped by Wang Ta? She gets to sing too. And then has a big dance number. Fancy, huh? This song is just really boring, so I'll save you the trouble of reading the lyrics. It's the dance number that gets me. Reiko Sato was a classically trained dancer, so there's no complaints in terms of her technique - but the part where James Shigeta transforms into the Monkey King... And they dance and dance-fight and then there's clones of him... It's a whole two minutes and thirty seconds of confusion. It's obviously choreographed in a Western style (much more successfully so than in Chop Suey) that works... but the Monkey King masks? The pseudo-bonsai tree? The cellophane fluttering in the background? It's all kinds of bad. It's awkward. It's a rip-off of Cyd Charisse and Gene Kelly's pas de deux in Singing in the Rain. 


I am not denying in any way that this film was monumental in it's casting choices and presenting Asians and Asian Americans as normal people, with only one non-Asian actor. However, it still showed us as awkward assimilators - perpetual foreigners. And it was just a crappy musical. 

Watch it here!